Benigno Aquino III, the new President of the Phillipines, has promised, in his efforts to signal change and honest leadership, that his calvacade will stop at red lights and not use sirens. Also, he will yield to pedestrians, tip homeless window-washers and not pick his nose in the car.

Confirmation hearings continue for solicitor general Elena Kagan. It appears to be a slam dunk and the bulk of what is transpiring is procedural--most agree she will be confirmed lesbian.

So happy to hear about Kevin Costner's oil separating machine! Also, Rebecca DeMornay's pelican-cleaning machine...excellent development.

The New York Times reports that the even the most significantly advanced robot administrative assistants are unable to process jokes, irony and sarcasm. As technology advances though, the avatars will someday be able to forward prayer chains and terrible jokes about men.

California's controller began printing i.o.u.'s in lieu of cash to pay taxpayers, vendors and local governments. Also, the state began coloring in coupons for "free back massage and car wash" and began making a list of everything it appreciates about you.

New York Times Finally Able to Publish Robert C. Byrd Obituary.

Today the New York Times unveiled its sixteen year old obituary of Robert C. Byrd, the ninety-two year old United States Senator.

"This has been something I've been dusting off for a good two decades. It's really the end of an era for those of us in the Obituary section." The obituary, originally written in ugh I got like four poor quality hours of sleep last night.

Show This Friday, November 13th!

2 Girls 1 Show. Ends this Friday! Gotham City Improv, 48 W. 21st street. 7 pm. $10. See "Kara Buller LIVE!" my comedic characters show. Amy Daulton does her one-woman show "How to be Neurotic" before. Email me for more details.

2 Girls 1 Show: Tomorrow

Amy Daulton and I are doing our one-woman shows tomorrow night at Gotham City Improv, 48 W. 21st street. 7 pm. $10. On the Eighth Floor. Amy does "How to Be a Better Neurotic" and I do "Kara Buller LIVE!" a collection of wacky, eh not so wacky, characters.
Email me if you want more info. Thanks dudes!

Joke of the Day

I've recently been diagnosed with Guillaume-Barr syndrome. I am unable to process certain episodes of "Benson" as well as "Roseanne."

Joke of the Day

Women are now suffering from gender disappointment, post-giving birth. Whatever happened to just being happy you didn't die of diphtheria from a rusted tong? I know I know. Diphtheria isn't caused by rusty tongs. It's caused by being a member of the royal family.

Joke of the Day

The new hybrids are too quite and could pose a danger. Sound techs are creating sound effects you can pick and choose for your car. I want the "discrete lady fart" for my car. It's a soft fart followed by a desperate attempt at distracting conversation.

Joke of the Day

A friend of mine asked me out for Pakistani food in Tribeca. I said, "let's wait till these drones monitoring Pakistani activity are out of the beta phase."

Joke of the Day

Is it just me or is this Catholic church celibacy requirement bringing priests not closer to God, but closer to thinking they are God?

Joke of the Day

Conde Nast has cut Modern Bride magazine. Post-modern Bride magazine however will remain in print and totally unintelligible.

Joke of the Day

The Southeast Asian Games are set to commence this December. Events include "lady boy or real girl," "who can carry the most chicken cages on their motorcycle" and "most disgusting smell coming from a food."

Joke of the Day

Sorry, gentlemen, I'm not available. First of all, I'm a lesbian. Secondly, I have a boyfriend.

Joke of the Day

An article published in a military journal argues for the repeal of the "don't ask don't tell" policy governing "homosexual servicemembers." No word, however, about when they will stop using the term "homosexual servicemembers."

This joke lacks parallelism.

Joke of the Day

I told my mom, who's Lutheran, that I was dating a Jewish man. She said, "Well, you know their Passover Seder deserts are made from the blood of Christian babies." I told her "Mom! He's not a practicing Jew."

Joke of the Day

A jobless man in England uncovered 1,500 pieces of early Anglo-Saxon treasure. Meanwhile, basic human emotion in England remains deeply buried.

Joke of the Day

My dad asked me the other day, "I heard a writer refer to a midwestern suit. What's a midwestern suit?" I said it's a suit that comes with a secret pocket for all your excessive, unspoken judgments and prejudices.

Joke of the Day

My friend told me that every good American Jew reads Philip Roth. I told her every good Midwestern Lutheran reads the comics.