Valley Girl Explains the Difference Between Sunni and Shiite Muslims

First off, let me say something about people who move to Chicago from the East Coast: I don't trust you. I think you're up to something. Why didn't you go to New York City? Are you weak? Are you scared? Do you think Chicago's "more real"? I don't know, I guess there are valid reasons, I'm just saying I have a weird feeling about you, and this choice you made. It's a little condescending, that's all. Listen, I'll get over it I'm just saying right now it's coloring our relationship. It's just something buzzing inside me right now, probably stemming from my own insecurity and it will go away.

So like I always remember that there are more Shiites than Sunnis in Iraq by remembering "there's more shit than sun in Iraq." But of course that's like figurative because I think there is A LOT of sun in Iraq, as well as a lot of "shit." But there are, right now, more problems than happiness. Anyway, there are a lot more Shiites even though they did not for many decades have the political power that the Sunnis had. Saddam was toooootally unaccepting of them and their religious practices so that's why when the Americans came they were like, "yaaaay!" They could now practice their religious rituals and possibly enjoy more political power. ANYWAY, the difference between Shiites and Sunnis starts back in 632, with the death of Mohammad, their prophet. Muslims believe Mohammad was the last in a long line of prophets, including Abraham and Jesus. I sooo know there is a connection between Christianity, Judaism and Islam and I think it's Abraham...and the First Testament? Something like that. So Mohammad dies and leaves behind four sons, or like men, maybe they're just appointees, I'm not sure. But there's these dudes: Ali, Hassan, Habib and Abu. Okay, I made up all of those names except Ali. I remember Ali because he is very important to this. The Shiites believe that Ali was the special descendent of Mohammad. Listen, all sons were good, it just happens that Ali was the best--according to the Shiites. Are you guys still with me?