On Maui Taco

Today after work I went to an open mic in the basement of a restaurant just south of the Empire State Building named "Maui Taco." It was hosted by a big friendly Puerto Rican man and was attended by a delightful collection of amateur New York comics.

One of the comics was talking about how the perfect girlfriend would be Helen Keller. "You're just hanging out with your buddies and then there's some deaf and blind chic you like keep in a cage." This is the moment preceding the moment where I stand up, grab my purse, and yell, real loud, and very much like a lesbian prison warden or an Indiana football coach, "FUUUUCK!" and then storm out of the bar/restaurant/taco stand.

Which is, I think we can all agree, hilarious.

I then charged up and down Fifth Avenue like an unemployed man about to punch his girlfriend. Lots of rage. Up and down Fifth Ave. Then I decided to calm down and that this was all really ridiculous and isn't this exactly the sort of stuff that gets one laughed at real good and hard?

So then I walked back in. The guy apologized to me in front of everybody, but someone hadn't read the O magazine where they tell you how to apologize (always review what you did wrong), so then I got pissed off all over again because I don't think he got why he was apologizing.

But I stayed and it turns out that he's a sex addict as well, so then I got attracted to him.

I went to look for him after the open mic ended, but he was gone. So bittersweet.

My sponsor made me make a spreadsheet of all the qualities I want in a partner. I am to review any future dating partner and ensure that he or she has a sufficient number of pre-selected qualities. Unfortunately, "good sense of humor--like mine" is high on the list, and so Mr. Helen Keller is out of the running.


In the category of news we can only categorize as "Awesome!":

On March 31, 1993, David married Laurie Lennard; they have two daughters named Cazzie and Romy, and they live in Pacific Palisades, California. Like her counterpart, Cheryl David (played by Cheryl Hines), in Curb Your Enthusiasm, Laurie is an environmental activist. Since May 2005, the couple have each been contributing bloggers at The Huffington Post.[1]
On June 5, 2007, the couple announced their intention to amicably separate.[2]
Amicable separation? Awesome!

Once I get to know Larry more, I will be able to see how he does with regard to the list.